I can never understand why everyone wears a mask..
I dunno who's true and who's not..
It it just how this world is?
I wanna stop getting worked up, getting upset, getting frustrated, i just wanna stop thinking. Why does the brain works in such a way, even when you're asleep it still doesn't stop thinking? I'm tired..very tired..just let me stop..just for awhile..
i dunno what's been going thru my mind, it just goes on and on, day and night, day after day..it just keeps working, even when i want it to stop.Things like what are u doing? Who are u talking to? Who are u missing now? Are u keeping anything from me? Are you telling the truth? What am i thinking, why am i thinking, How come sometimes i feel that i don't know u at all, at times i feel i do know you..but just a little. Sometimes we feel so distant.Msgs, things you said and did, flash back in my mind continuosly.Sometimes i can't look you in the eye, coz it pains me to do so..When i look at you, flashes of 'are you keeping anything from me, are u lying or is it the truth? Why is it you always seem to be thinking of somethin or someone else? why is there this emptiness in your eyes? Is there smething or someone missing in your life?' keeps coming up..Sometimes i ask myself, are things meant to be thy way they are? At times i get really tired i wanna let go of everything..at times i wonder if we're right or wrong..but somehow, no matter what goes thru over and over, i still end up at the same place.
I wanna know what matters..wanna hear the 'i love u' and the 'i miss u' like before..Everything seems so perfect until the day the harsh truth came in...It made me feel stupid..feel cheated..If we could choose what memories we wanna retain and what we wanna erase, wouuldn't that be great?
If there was somethings i could wish for..It would be i could erase those unwanted memories, things i never wanted to hear, for you to be truthful and happy, and for me to find back that smile..
I do not regret making any decision to step out of the protected realm i was in, the place i created for myself to be safe from getting hurt..But..
Sometimes all it takes is that little assurance..
*sigh*
But than no matter what..I still love my dearest..
Amanda
