♥ Wednesday, July 12, 2006♥
I wonder how long i've lived in this black & white world..its been ages.
I get very tired, putting up a front that just ain't me, having to smile even when it hurts so much and taking it like everything's fine.
Someone i met recently said she goes out with other guys to get back at her boyfriend for cheating on her. I asked her what does she get out of it? She said it made her feel good, its all bout revenge. But if its all bout revenge than what's the point of being together?
I can't bring myself to think of revenge neither can i bring myself to put down everything and leave. I guess that's just me, keeping quiet bout it hoping things change, which was or will never be the case i guess.
Sometimes i hate how weak i can get at times, how i'll let small little stuff bother me so much, how sensitive i can get, how i would just think and think forever, how i allow myself to get hurt and so upset, and what i hate most, is when tears start to flow. I just hate that feeling.
I guess what i need is to trust, something that i have lost along the years. Sometimes i don't even trust myself, ironic? Yes. Its hard to trust again after continuous betrayal of trust, but i'm still trying.
*sigh*
Please stop thinking, you're driving yourself crazy just thinking. You're losing your sleep, losing your appetite, losing interest in everything and most of all losing your sanity. You're losing yourself~
* rainbows don't really exist don't they? *
fadiing away;
* gone @9:42 PM
Amanda
